How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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