Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
