We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize