If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
