The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
