i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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