Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
