Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
