glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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