i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
