Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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