Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize