Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
