my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
