Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
