I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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