I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
