my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
