She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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