Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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