What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
