Who did Billy Mays play for?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
