i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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