He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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