I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
