We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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