Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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