I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
