One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
