even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
