I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize