community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
