I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
