I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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