Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
