Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
