What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize