just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
