Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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