Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
