Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize