Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
