So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
