Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
