Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
