my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
