A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
