the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
