It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
