The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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