Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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