Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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