'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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