Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
