yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
