you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize