I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
