Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
