Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
