Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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