Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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