It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
