I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
